Thanks for making social awkwardness cool again!

Remember the days when a “friend request” meant you had to go next door and ask if little Timmy could come out and play today? Or when wishing someone a “Happy Birthday” meant you had to put thought into picking out a card or perhaps pick up the phone and sing that infamous birthday tune? What about when getting to know someone meant we spent time with them, talked with them and listened to their story?
Now we have Facebook!! A place where every day misfits and geniuses alike can become philosophers, plagiarizing poets, hopeless religious proclaimers and stalkers of your now public “privacy”. Yes you read that right I said “public privacy”. I find it rather dumbfounding that so many choose to blast their entire lives on Facebook, and then turn around and complain about having their privacies violated, being irked by others meddling into their lives and absolutely clueless at times as to why people have certain insights or impressions of them. And while dumbfounded and usually amused by such social vomiting, I would personally like to say thanks.
Thanks to all of the emotional grenades that use Facebook like it’s some sort of mood ring. Constantly changing your updates to reflect what epiphany just ran through your mind, what life change you’re about to make, or perhaps whether or not “haters gonna hate”.
Thanks to the masses who treat Facebook like their probation officer by checking in and always letting us know where you are or what awesome activity you may be doing. Nothing gets me more excited than knowing you’re safe and sound at doctor’s office today. But my favorites are those of you who check in at “Church”. Really, who are you trying to convince? I’m pretty sure God already knows you’re there and chances are “Facebook Compliance” is not a requirement to pass through the pearly gates. But what the heck, I’ll “like” it anyways just so you know I know that we all know.

And speaking of God, thanks to all who post enlightening bible verses and scripture readings leading us to assume that you’ve felt an inner emotional tug or have been inspired. These are the best when a few posts later you proclaim “it’s finally Friday and you’re gonna get fuuuuuuucked up”. Priceless!!
I’ve even quit turning on the news in the morning as my traffic updates are always on point via my News Feed. Hell on most days I can usually get updates for roughly 15 other cities as well. It’s almost as if we are all in the same vehicle together sharing the same bagel and listening to our Kenny G. remix.
Hmmmm…. I wonder if….. YEP I knew it, Billy Bob had a delicious Philly cheesesteak and tater tots for lunch today. The curiosity alone was enough to kill an entire pack of cougars. Thank you Billy!!
And am I just being sensitive or does anyone else feel all soft and tingly inside when someone posts a pic of something really sad or tragic and tries to place guilt upon you if you don’t “like” it? Say hello to the modern day chain letter! I’m pretty sure this type of mind rape mentality is how cults get started. (Like and share this blog if you hate mind rape.)
I will have to say I kind like the “Birthday Reminders” though. They are kinda nice. Personally I get truly excited when I know someone took the time to remember, think of me and make my day better because they care, and not because they got a reminder online. Why stop at birthday and event reminders? Why not go ahead and throw in the STD notification? I think a reminder letting you know your days are numbered is much more valuable than one that reminds you how many you’ve had.
And speaking of feeling good, I’m not sure whether to be thankful or curse when I see someone “Like” something that someone else has posted regarding a sad moment, a loss, or even a bad day. “R.I.P. to Woofy, he was my best friend and will be truly missed”. “Like” REALLY? So you “like” that my pet and best friend died and you “like” that will miss him? Thanks testicle teeth, that’s really kind of you!!
SHUT THE F…… ront door, Brittney cut her hair and colored it brown. I was just thinking the other day how I’ve never “Poked” a brunette before. Thanks for update friend!!
Ooooh and looky looky, put down that cookie, Dave has just checked into the gym again. I bet he’s gonna really break a sweat and then hopefully he’ll update us on which body parts he worked out or maybe impress us with how many reps he did. And if we are lucky he may even snap a self-pic in the mirror with his camera phone. Has everyone met Dave?

I think you get the point, but in case you missed it. What I’m trying to say is, social networking has made the socially awkward cool again. It has equipped many users with the false confidences that only online personification and its virtual fencing can provide. It gives the once meek and quiet, a new voice. It allows the loud and audacious to be much more annoying and it proves that people are willing to sacrifice reality and expose themselves in an attempt to be “Accepted”.

Kinda reminds me of a song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE6iAjEv9dQ
















